


Spear Me Through The Heart

by Falcolmreynolds



Series: Shadows over Sornieth [4]
Category: Flight Rising
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 09:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falcolmreynolds/pseuds/Falcolmreynolds





	Spear Me Through The Heart

_ What a nightmare. _

This was Ainissesthai’s first thought as she turned away from the sunset, facing east towards the greater sea, and looked down the slopes to the inlet below. The air glittered; she could see hundreds of thousands of beautiful crystalline shards twisting gently, suspended elegantly from the valley floor up as far as she could see, unaffected by the breeze.

“The Sliver Vale,” Ainissesthai murmured, because clearly nobody else was going to say anything. She doubted any of these dragons had ever been here before, save maybe the one from the Arcanist’s rabble, but even he seemed taken aback by what he saw, amazed.

Ainissesthai looked over. “Ambrose,” she said, feeling her throat constrict with fear, “you didn’t say we’d emerge here.”  _ You said nothing about this. Why didn’t you warn me? Why did you bring us this way?! _

Ambrose looked back to her, eyes wide, speechless.

"Do you have a negative relationship with the Flight that rules this land?" A low, drawling voice beside her - the skydancer, Atropos. Deep black feathers and wing sails with a starlight sparkle to them, brushed in places with pale gray-white that traced a skeletal pattern over her entire body. Wrapped in thorns with a ghostly radiance around her, Atropos had proclaimed herself a goddess of death when she’d first stepped into the tavern side-room back in Greenstone, and while Ainissesthai hadn’t quite believed her then, she did now.

When Atropos peered down, the tiny black kitten perched in the center of her crown shifted to compensate, not making a sound and peering about with bright yellow eyes. She blinked, dark golden eyes set deep in her dark face. "Need you be hidden from view while here?"

Ainissesthai opened her mouth to respond and paused, freezing in place - deep in her chest, another pang of pain, from part of Ambrose’s enchantment not quite working as planned and not cushioning the shards enough. She hissed under her breath and realized Atropos was still waiting for an answer. “No. That’s not it,” she managed.  _ How can I explain to them? _ “This place is a death trap. It’s hell.”

"Oh,” Atropos said, looking back up towards the sparkling stones. “I see. Need we go that way?"

_ You don’t see. Not yet. Hopefully not ever. _

"Worse than the one we just exited, you mean?" Another skydancer - Thanatos, with the little flames stepped up, grinning. He almost looked as if he were enjoying the heavy blanket of magical energy that even Ainissesthai could feel. Mages.

“What  _ is _ it?” another dragon murmured. The mirror girl, Asha. For once, she didn’t look like she wanted to kill the nearest enemy, ally, or other. The shards were reflected in her eyes.  _ Don’t go any closer. _ “It looks like frost, but it’s not cold.”

"Death trap? What's so dangerous about this place, anyway?" Cedero, the violeteye with hardly a spark of magic to call his own.

Ainissesthai opened her mouth to answer - answer what, she wasn’t sure. She was interrupted as Thanatos stepped forward, eyes narrowed. “Longnecks!” he suddenly shouted, half-raising his wings. “In the Vale!” His feathers fluffed up, and Ainissesthai caught a snarl on his long, elegant face. She looked down into the Vale - sure enough, she could spot the small forms of several longnecks moving slowly and carefully down the slope, hauling something with them.

Asha raised her wings and prepared to run. Cedero stepped forward, one of the other dragons - Malvelde - took a few long strides. “No!” Ainissesthai shouted, panic rising in her throat. “Don’t follow them!”

The group turned towards her, baffled. She swallowed, clamping her wings to her sides. “You  _ cannot _ fly in the Vale,” she hissed. “You will die.”

"If you don't tell me why, I shall be forced to investigate myself," Cedero grumbled, easing his wings shut again.

Ainissesthai flicked her frills back and stabbed a claw upwards, towards the crystals. "Those do not move easily,” she snapped. “They are beyond sharp, and they shatter into smaller shards at a feather's touch. Once inside your body, they are impossible to remove without making the problem worse. They will slice you to shreds if you try to fly through them."

The dragons looked to her, then back to the shards, clearly reevaluating. Ambrose turned her face down and away, closing her eyes; she looked possibly regretful. Ainissesthai mentally relented on her - it wasn’t her fault the longnecks had taken this route. It wasn’t her fault it was - 

"Hmm, then we must follow them the slow way, no? We've been doing that as it stands anyway, and we are seemingly closer than ever. Besides, we don't have much of a choice.” Atropos glanced over, slow and deliberate. “You may use me as a perch if you feel the need, Ainissesthai, all will be well."

What, like Aelita rode on Thanatos’ head?  _ The spot’s already occupied by a cat. I may be small, but I don’t think I’ll fit. The kitten probably doesn’t want competition anyway. Far be it for me to kick her out of her place. _

“That sounds like it hurts,” someone said flatly, from the group of dragons.

She could not stress this enough. "It is  _ exceedingly _ painful, and once you have a single shard within you, it will  _ never _ stop wounding you and it will  _ never _ go away."

"Can we go around without risk of losing our quarry?" Atropos craned her neck, moving it up and down and around like a bird, trying to get a better glimpse of the longneck group.

At the same time, Asha glanced over, practically bouncing in place with contained energy. “Is running beneath them okay?”

“No. You can move through the Vale, but you have to go slowly. The slivers fill the valley from the ground to the edge of the atmosphere." Ainissesthai shook her head, trying to dispel the shivery feeling in her muscles.

“Oh…” the mirror’s fins drooped, and she sat down, enthusiasm leaving her entirely. “Well… maybe if anyone’s an earth-mover, they can dig a tunnel? It’d take a while though.”

A gentle tap on her shoulder. Ainissesthai glanced up again to see Atropos peering at her, golden eyes intent. "Need you be carried through this, Aini?” She said, voice soft enough that Ainissesthai doubted anyone else could hear her. “You speak of this place as though you know it from experience, and I would not wish you go through it again. I may offer enough protection to keep you from coming into contact with these slivers."

_ That’s… surprisingly thoughtful. _ Ainissesthai shook her head, trying to come up with some kind of quick response to make Atropos stop thinking and having opinions about her. It weirded her out when people expressed concern like that.

Thanatos saved her, speaking up with a heavy sigh. "So close, yet so far, eh?” he said, with a wry grin. “Still, I'd rather we didn't receive any more life-threatening injuries if it could be helped. Perhaps we should make camp here? It would be a simple matter to track them down again, their trail so close. I don't think it would be wise to rush into confrontation while we're all still recovering."

He was right, of course. Ainissesthai shifted, wincing again. Occasionally the shards poked through her skin and bloodied her bandages; right now they were all contained within her torso, cushioned by Ambrose’s magic, prevented from killing her outright. They’d hurt her enough as it was when she was healthy; she didn’t want an injured dragon stumbling into them on accident. “Yeah,” she muttered in agreement.

“They never go away? They stay forever?” Cedero seemed to be muttering half to himself, but he was giving Ainissesthai a worried and shocked glance out of the corner of his eye.

She huddled down on the stone outcrop she’d landed on. “Forever,” she murmured.

Ambrose cleared her throat. “We’ll rest,” she said, turning away from the edge of the Vale and moving back to safer, flatter, less slippery ground. She looked exhausted, drained, feathers and robes still drenched in her own blood, bloodshot eye bright red. Ainissesthai hoped it was bloodshot, anyway - if it were permanent, that was going to be a problem. Poor Ambrose didn’t need any more problems in her life. The wildclaw sighed heavily, limping. "We all need it. Tomorrow we can figure out how to get through."

Atropos glanced over to the healer, then back to Ainissesthai, feathers flattening down to that smooth, glossy shine again, almost a uniform shine rather than individual shapes. She seemed to be able to do that, form just altering the way she pleased. "Is there anything I may do for you, Ainissesthai? Anything that may help?" Her voice, normally blunt and disinterested, was softer than Ainissesthai had ever heard it.

“No. I’ve tried too much already.” She flattened herself down, listened to the silence for a few seconds, and then realized that was probably rude. “Sorry. But, uh, if you try to remove them, they just break into smaller pieces. The last thing I need is even more of them."  _ Oh, that was too much information, huh. _

"You never know when something will turn out to work.” Atropos, to Ainissesthai’s surprise, crouched down and folded herself into a cat-like feathery loaf, whisking her tail around the front so the feathered tip lay just over her paws. Her wings she folded in, the rose-thorn tangles of vines pressing against the glinting sails but not puncturing them. She dipped her head gracefully and the kitten - Morta - shifted again, then hopped off, landing soundlessly amongst the dusty cracked earth and grass. "If you can think of anything, you need only ask me of it. And you need not apologize; your lot so far has been a hellish one. I understand, as well as I may."

_ Can you, though? _ Ainissesthai held still again as another flicker of pain flashed through her body. That was constant - she always felt them, even with Ambrose’s enchantments. The wildclaw’s magic wasn’t perfect, and while it healed as much as it could, it couldn’t remove the literal razors floating around in Ainissesthai’s lungs and organs. She paused, trying to formulate an answer.

"Ainissesthai." That was Cedero. He had sidled over. What did he want  _ now? _ Ainissesthai glanced up at him, through narrowed eyes. For once, he didn’t look at all arrogant or flirtatious. Not that he’d ever directed that much at Ainissesthai herself - she was too small, she figured. He cleared his throat. "I can ask our surgeon to look at that for you. No promises, but if the crystals truly are magical, maybe he can do something? Or, we can do something…” Was he stumbling over his words? "He has seen similar cases before. Crystals literally growing inside dragons, puncturing the organs. It happens."

Oh, Ainissesthai understood the situation. “I am well aware,” she hissed, “of what they could do to me. My intention is to carry on until they kill me. I have no idea when that is. I hope it's later rather than sooner. But if you really think your surgeon may have some kind of knowledge that the doctors of Mirrorlight don't have, then sure, that would be super of you." That came out sharper than she’d intended, but most things did, and she’d given up apologizing.

Cedero didn’t seem to take offense. He looked distant, perhaps a little wistful. "He might. He is from the Starfall Isles, too. He should be able to sense the magic, even if the shards are too small to see. He's... hm. Honest about his work."

“If you think he’ll be able to help,” Ainissesthai said, begrudgingly -  _ Aini, be nice! For once in your life, try not being rude and spitting in the face of someone’s assistance. You can’t afford that…  _ “- then I would appreciate visiting him. Maybe when this is over.”

“Yeah…” Cedero trailed off. He wasn’t any good at hiding his emotions - he seemed worried. Probably didn’t have a surgeon that could live up to the reputation, and Ainissesthai was leery about visiting anyone who might just shatter the shards further. It was hard enough for Ambrose as it was with the amount she already had to individually check up on and maintain.

"I will ask the healers and other such ones of my clan if you would like me to, we may have a way to not necessarily remove them, but neutralize them and allow them to slowly eliminated by your body instead. Again, I will look into it." Atropos again, and now she raised a claw and gently nudged Morta, who had - with much annoyance - seated herself in the cleanest patch of grass she could find and curled up there. Morta raised her head, grumbling, but stood up and shook her coat out with a little  _ mrrp _ . Atropos smiled and nodded, and the kitten trotted over to Ainissesthai. "She is a comforting presence, this little one,” Atropos said. “Perhaps she may make you feel at least a bit at ease emotionally. And her fur is very soft."

For a moment, Ainissesthai stared in disbelief at the kitten.  _ I’m sorry? You’re offering me a cat, and… why, exactly? _

Morta trotted up to her, tail straight up in the air, and looked her in the eyes before settling down in the dust in front of her, already purring. Ainissesthai glanced up to Atropos, then down to the kitten, then around. Nobody was really watching now; several of the other members of the group had already split off to discuss the Sliver Vale and how to get through it, and only Atropos and Cedero were really still nearby.

Carefully, Ainissesthai unlatched the buckle holding her battle claws in place and let them clink to the dirt, then reached out and brushed a claw across Morta’s fur. The kitten was nearly her size, but soft as rabbit-fur instead of shiny and smooth. The purr was a soothing vibration, rising and falling with the kitten’s breath.

_ ...huh. _ She was right; that was, somehow, comforting. What was it with small mammals?

Atropos, blessedly, did not say anything about it. Ainissesthai kept her claws on Morta’s head, gently scratching the kitten - as softly as she could - behind the ears and on the forehead, and under the chin. The little one seemed to enjoy it.

For a time they entertained themselves watching Thanatos tease Nokk, who was reduced to wailing for mercy and trying to escape his relentless teasing. That was amusing, at least, though Ainissesthai privately wished her friend could just be direct and get it over with - the ridgeback was clearly a mess for her, and Ambrose wasn’t exactly turning the attention down. “Go  _ do _ things,” Ainissesthai muttered.

“Excuse me, Master Guide.” That strange, somewhat unnatural voice - buzzing around the edges, the tones all exactly alike - was unmistakable. Ainissesthai withdrew her hand from the kitten and twisted her neck all the way around, spotting Timekeeper trotting up, metal plates clanking against each other. She stared silently at him.  _ Speak, then. _

He came to a halt and flicked his wings once. “Would these crystals have much of a negative effect on someone of my, er, composition?” He tipped his head to the side, eyes glinting, a gently glowing light green.

_ He thinks himself immune. They will pierce him if he tries to move through them just like they would anyone else. Slowly is the only way. _ She shook her head. “They’re sharp. They get through flesh, armor. Bone. They'll probably get through metal just the same. I wouldn't recommend testing that by experience."

"Mm, they sound rather horrendous.” Atropos wound her neck around and backwards, resting it on her back like a big, glowing, black-and-white swan.

“They are.” Ainissesthai took a breath, startling herself with how shaky it felt.  _ Why am I such a wreck?? _ “I got lucky.”

She flinched just at the memory and put her head down, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Well, now, that’s no fun. But if it’s just a bit of pain, it’s likely far easier to remove them from me than anyone else here. And besides - I’m a bit stronger than metal in that sense. It would take quite a bit of force to get past being stuck in kevlar and acrylic plating. But if you insist.” The metallic coatl dropped to the ground and flopped onto his side, sighing dramatically.

_ I have no idea what he’s talking about, but for fuck’s sake, it’s not ‘just a bit of pain.’ Why isn’t anyone taking this seriously? _ "If you can avoid ending up like me, I would recommend it. I doubt it would be alright even for someone like you."

“Very well. I appreciate the sentiment in forewarning us.” With a series of clanking sounds he sat back up, ending up sprawled over the ground with one wing folded in and one wing half-splayed on the dirt. The metal glimmered - over to the side, under the ridge from the crystals, someone had started a fire, and it and the starlight glinted on Timekeeper’s plating. It also glinted on Ainissesthai’s dragonfly-thin wings, and Atropos’ stained-glass webbing.

Ainissesthai moved to press against the kitten, but the vibrations of her purrs - loud as an engine from a Lightning machine - jarred the shards, and she had to pull away again with a light grunt. Still, she laid one wing over the kitten’s form. There - warm and comfortable without being painful. Better. She didn’t want to open her eyes and see anyone laughing at her for this, so she kept them shut.

The soft murmur of conversation - the occasional laugh, collective mutterings - and the pop of the fire, combined with the steady, relentless rumble of Morta’s purring, slurred into a formless white noise that lulled Ainissesthai to sleep. When she woke, it was morning, and the kitten was asleep beside her, sides rising and falling. Atropos was still curled where she had been during the night, asleep. The sun had barely risen.

Ainissesthai withdrew her wing from Morta’s side. The kitten woke immediately, blinking her yellow eyes open. “Thanks,” Ainissesthai whispered, to her. “Atropos was right; you’re nice to have around.”

The kitten, obviously, did not respond, just watched her.

“I’ll be back. Don’t let anybody worry about me.” Ainissesthai snorted at that last comment. “Not like anyone would.”

She stood, shook her wings out, and picked up her battle claws, re-fastening them to her wrists and hands. She retracted the actual blades and flapped a few times, then fluttered away from the campsite, darting through the air to a higher rock formation that overlooked both their makeshift camp and the Vale.

The Vale.

Ainissesthai had to come to terms with this damn place before she tried to go through it. And she would visit the cache here to see if there was anything she could use before they went in - it had been left over, and she’d never come back for it, and she didn’t remember what was in it. But there might be something useful.

They. They all. She dug her claws into the stone and pressed her body flat against it, wincing at the pain in her chest. The pain told her she was alive, that she could feel, that she had been through something and survived it.

Unlike the others.

_ “It won’t be that hard, not at all. We’re so small, even if we slip, we’ll go between the shards.” _

Ainissesthai felt mudstone crumble under her claws.

_ “He’s right. I’m a little bigger, but it’ll still be alright.” _

She shut her eyes.

_ “A little! You’re the size of my lair-mound!” _

“Idiots,” Ainissesthai hissed. “Fools.”

_ “We’ll be fine. We’ll go slow, take it easy, keep our footholds in the slopes. They aren’t that steep, and we have picks and extensions. It’s the fastest way to the coast, and then we can go south, to Kylibdon. Someone there will know about -” _

Maybe trying to get over it before being subjected to it  _ again _ later today wasn’t such a good idea. Ainissesthai turned abruptly, cracking her tail into a chunk of stone, and leaped off the end of it, into a small half-crystal canyon. If she remembered correctly, they’d stashed their stuff amongst the stones a little ways in…

It took only a few minutes for her to locate the old campsite; she remembered it better than she wanted to. There were Sunrunner’s artifacts he’d left behind, and Harmonium’s old blanket and tools, and a little bag she had from herself, made of burlap.

She took that, without stopping, and winged it back towards the camp. Maybe she should drive the thoughts away. Maybe she should -

“Ainissesthai! Where have you been?” Ambrose’s voice. Ainissesthai spared the wildclaw a half a glance and flew past.

“Nowhere.” Ainissesthai fluttered back over to Atropos. With her were Hyann and Thanatos; it seemed that they, on board a large, flat floating stone, would be attempting to make it through the Vale together. She flung the bag onto the ground with a clanking sound. “I have this.”

“Where did you  _ get _ that? What is it?” Hyann immediately dropped what she was doing with the stone, ignoring a “hey!” from Thanatos, and trotted over, eyes wide. She opened the sack and pulled it out - inside was a shiny gauntlet, silver and gold and green, far too large for Ainissesthai’s miniscule hands.

“It shoots air,” Ainissesthai said, refusing to answer the question. Hyann wouldn’t question it, probably. “To the sides. To steer. Someone else operate it. It’s too big for me.” She shut her mouth. Could everyone  _ tell _ that she was only stopping herself from shaking via sheer willpower alone?

“Oh, wonderful! We needed that,” Hyann said, beaming. “Thank you so much!”

“Sure.” Ainissesthai left the bag and the glove where they were and fluttered up to the stone, settling down on it and pulling her wings in close.

The rock swayed slightly as someone else climbed up onto it; the darkness of the feathers that cast a shadow over Ainissesthai’s form told her it was Atropos. “Do you have a moment?” the skydancer said, smooth and soft as always.

“I’m not moving.”

“That is acceptable.” She sank to the stone beside Ainissesthai, folding her wings in neatly. "I need not ask where you found that artifact of yours, but I shall request you be more careful.”

_ What? Why? _ “What?”

“Morta told me you went somewhere.”

“Am I not allowed to fly now?” Ainissesthai snapped back, then said, “...what do you mean ‘Morta told you?’” She shot a sour glance up at the kitten, who sat with zero expression at the crown of Atropos’ skull.

Atropos sighed. "It is not that I ask you to avoid flying, I merely wish you alert me or another before you go, that way we may come to assist you. You need not do everything alone." She seemed to either have not heard the question about the cat or was ignoring it.  _ Whatever. _

_ You don’t control where I go or what I do. _ Ainissesthai narrowed her eyes, glaring at the rock in front of her. “You know, I’m fine. I can handle myself. I appreciate the offer, but I’m not going to die any time I step out of sight of everyone else.”

Except she would. If she left Lady Ambrose for too long, her magic would fade, and the shards would slice her to pieces from the inside. True, it would take a few months, but…

She hated it. She hated it all. She tucked her feet under her chest and wrapped her tail around herself, folding her neck into a flattened S-shape and flicking her hood lower over her face.

"Ease yourself, dear friend, for I am not your enemy in this. I understand wishing independence, but being shackled by something so terrible as this is nothing to be ashamed of." Atropos tipped her head ever so slightly to the side, as if listening to something only she could hear. Or… feeling.  _ Damn it, skydancers can read your mind. Emotions. Whatever. Curses! _ Atropos wasn’t finished speaking. "Give your pain unto another, dear friend,” she purred, “for it will in time become a pain to horrible to bear by yourself. Allow yourself to heal, if for nothing else than the sake of whomever you may have lost in those hills of crystal, and everything you have already lost for yourself."

“Trust me, I  _ know _ it’s horrible,” Ainissesthai snapped. “But unfortunately, I don’t just get to throw away pain like it’s magic. I can’t  _ do _ that. And you don’t get to do that with memories, either.” She stopped short, pulling her wings in even tighter. Could she huddle up any more? Probably not. She glared at the stone; the carapace of her eyelids pressing against her eyes was enough to cause little sparks of light and darkness in her vision.

Atropos viewed her stoically for a moment. "You need not suffer alone,” she finally murmured. “If no one else is at your side, you may confide within me. I may not understand such suffering or pain, but I am not unsympathetic. I may be of Death, but I am not callous. The depth of thine pain is not lost upon me, Ainissesthai."

The way Atropos said her full name made Aini shiver; it was a curling hiss, but it wasn’t cruel, or spiteful, the way the word sounded. It just sounded like it existed. It sounded like a name recognized as something that had meaning. She swallowed nervously.

_ “Aini, come on, it’s the fastest way. Besides, we gotta tell someone! We can’t be the only ones who know about it. If we are, what’s that make us, huh? The Oculus isn’t aware of anything but the two that were uncovered. So we have to…” _

“What do you want from me?” she said, and this time she really tried to keep all venom out of her voice. It crept in when she didn’t want it to, like blotchy mold, or water into a library. But she could hold it at bay, when she needed to. When she wanted to prove she wanted to comply, somehow. When she wanted to ask for help, not do it herself.

"Thine heart weeps, Ainissesthai.” Atropos curled her tail around the both of them; sound from the outside seemed muted. “Thine soul is in such pain... You are not meant to bear such incredible pain on your own.”

“I’m starting my barrier now,” Thanatos called to them. “Rock going up… now.”

“Sail is operational!” Hyann called cheerfully, and leaned over the back edge to shoot a burst of air at the ground. The recoil knocked her back a bit onto the stone, and she gasped, delighted. “Oh! This works  _ very _ well!”

As Atropos spoke, a web of pale light began to weave itself together in front of sail and the stone, one that would catch shards of crystal and knock them gently aside. Ainissesthai saw the first one bounce off the gleaming mist. “By your side there are those who would shoulder it willingly with you, rather than let you suffer alone. They would suffer in tandem with you, preferring to weep and hurt alongside you instead of allowing you to be alone in it. And if you have none other you wish to be by thine side, I will do as well as I am capable of to bear it with you. And I will be here, now, and at the end if it ever should come for you. You will not be alone, that much I decree for here forward. While you still live, and in the hereafter, let it be known that I will be by thine side, if you so let me. I may not be able to see the destiny laid at thine feet, but know I will guide you in it as best I can."

_ ...I have no idea what any of that means. _ “Um,” Ainissesthai said, overwhelmed. “I - okay. I don’t, uh, really know… what exactly you’re trying to say. But I think -”

A stab in her chest; she sucked in a breath for a moment, eyes going to slits, and let it out slowly. “I think it means talk? You want me to talk?”

_ A shriek, tumbling scales and frills, and no last words. They couldn’t run to him when he fell, because they would have died, and Harmonium slipped anyways. He’d gotten a chance to tell her “don’t let them forget who I am if I die here.” But Sunrunner hadn’t gotten anything out. _

“Fine.” Ainissesthai took another breath, feeling the faint pang in her chest when her lungs scraped past the crystal, padded as it was by Ambrose’s magic. “Fine. I’ll talk.”

She opened her mouth to try and tell the story, and couldn’t figure out where to begin. What to say. How to - how to do either of them justice, how to explain what had happened. Partly because it hurt, and partly because she’d never even finished what they set out to do.

“...but I don’t know how,” she said.

A soft sigh. "Easy, dear friend. Be gentle upon yourself." Ainissesthai felt the gentle touch of feathers sweeping over one of her wings, over the back of her tail. "Give me the honor of knowing their names. Their stories. Let me know them, as best as I may, through your memories of them. Allow them to live on through you and I, through memory and story. If you cannot speak of what happened in this place, then you need not say it. But give me the honor of knowing those whom you lost, so I may mourn them alongside you."

Names. Could she do that? Could she bring herself to say their names? Not yet. She would start with a story.

“I…” She paused. “Can you make sure nobody hears this. I’m not spilling my stupid sad story to everyone on this gods-forsaken team.”

Thanatos glanced over, then away. She wasn’t sure if he’d heard; she hoped not. Although, if anyone had to overhear this conversation, Thanatos would be the one she trusted the most not to cause trouble about it.

“Of course. Of course.” Atropos glanced up; the pale green, threaded through with the lightest hints of pale violet, extended around them in a soft, barely visible. Sound became even more muted. “We can hear, they cannot,” Atropos hummed, the notes weaving the mist together into a shield. It felt safe. “Speak.”

Ainissesthai took a breath, then another. The rock began to drift south; she felt her heart seize every time she saw a shard float towards them, but they bounced gently off the light-shield that Atropos had woven, and off of Petri, Thanatos’ little slime who had expanded into a shiny, hair-thin bubble. “When,” she said, and paused. “I - I had a twin brother when I was younger.”

She felt Atropos, ever so slightly, tense. But when she snuck a glance up at the skydancer, her expression hadn’t changed.

“His name -” No. No, she couldn’t. “We had a friend, too. We stayed together often. And we explored a lot. Beyond my home territory - the Ruins, you know. Mirrorlight. All that shit.” She swallowed. “We discovered some things out in the world. We were young. Didn’t know what to do about it. Didn’t know jack all.”

Outside, wind gusted against the stone, and she saw Hyann’s sail billow, but the bubble of silence and warmth did not falter.

“We found a portal. Made of stone, like Moonportal. You know Moonportal, right?”

“Yes.”

“Right. We found one more like it. But - it was, it was in Dragonhome. Smack in the center, on the far side of the Watcher Palace in the sand dunes. I guess it was hidden, or something, because nobody knew it was there. But we found it.” She paused. “It led to the Wastes. Fire and ash and whatever. We went through it a few times - I mean, after we made it work, H - our friend was always really good with runes. And then we went to tell someone about it. But nobody knew about any freakin’ portal out in the middle of the stupid desert. Nobody cared.” She hissed softly. “So we went to tell the Oculus mages, because nobody else believed us.”

Atropos didn’t speak, just watched her, inscrutable. Ainissesthai took another breath. “We went across Dragonhome. We stayed away from the Contagion, obviously, because it’s stupid to go near it, even though we could have fought any of it.” She shuddered again, remembering the black mold across her eyes, her mask, in her throat and lungs. “Not that I’ve ever been - any… any good at magic. It’s - that’s not the point. My twin was. Better, that is. But he wasn’t as strong as me.”  _ Breathe, Aini.  _ “And our friend, he was… softer. Than either of us. He liked, um… he liked hatchlings, and that kind of thing. You know. Soft."

They had teased him about it sometimes. "You're too kind and gentle to be adventuring," Ainissesthai had told him once. "Too caring."

"That's why I have to be out here too," Harmonium had countered, totally earnest. "You two need caring for."

They hadn't teased him much about it after that.

"Anyway. We tried to go through here. It - we walked, because no one can fly here without fucking dying-" She broke off with a harsh laugh. "Fat lot of good that did us."

"You're still here," Atropos murmured.

Ainissesthai was, again, thrown off by that. "Not my fault," she said, automatically.

Atropos flicked her head feathers, face twitching. Ainissesthai winced. Not a good reaction. She rushed onwards.

"My twin, he was a fae, like me. Our friend was a guardian. While we were walking, my brother… slipped. He fell. We all knew we couldn't move quickly but I tried to grab him anyway…" she lowered her head. "Our friend grabbed me. Held me back. I ran into a shard anyway I didnt even notice because I - because…"

"Tell me his name," Atropos hummed, softly. "Tell me who he was. Tell me of both of them, so that I may immortalize them for their bravery. Foolhardy, perhaps it was, but unchallenged bravery leads the youth towards their lofty goals."

"He - Harmonium," Ainissesthai choked out. "He was our friend. And my brother. His name was Sunrunner."

_ “We’ll be okay. Don’t worry. We just have to be careful, and if we slip, don’t make any sudden moves; just grab onto the slope and stay there. The more you move, the more danger you’re in. So the less you move, the safer we’ll be. That’s why we go slow.” _

_ “Can’t we sneak underneath them?” _

_ “No.” Sunrunner shook his head. “They go all the way to the ground. Even we aren’t safe, as small as we are.” _

“They were both my friends,” Ainssesthai whispered, “but Sunrunner was my  _ twin. _ I knew him, so well. He was part of me. And we let him die. And then -”

_ “Ainissesthai, no!” Harmonium’s claws dug into her clothes, yanking her back. She felt pain - behind, where his claws pierced down to her scales, and in front, which she barely registered. “No!” _

_ Sunrunner’s body was already limp. He tumbled down the slope; she saw crystals spinning in his wake, some stained with blood. Some of the ones in his path vanished after he passed by. The little lights flickering around his body, so similar to hers, began to drift away or go out. _

_ “Sunrunner!” She shrieked, clawing forwards. “Let me go, Harm!” _

_ “No. It’s dangerous - Aini, you can’t -” _

_ “Let me  _ go!” _ She tried to wrench herself free. Harmonium pulled her backwards again, against her frantic attempts to flap. He reached out with his other hand and grabbed both of her wings, shifting uncertainly on the crystal. _

_ “Aini, stop,” he said. “You can’t -” _

_ He slipped, too. He turned and shoved her back against the stone, eyes going wide, and she saw him try to regain his balance without his wings. He failed, and she watched one snap outwards, flapping in a huge gust of wind to steady him. _

_ Of course the crystals tore through it. Of course they ripped ragged holes in his sails, tearing the delicate membrane, blood already dripping from the veins that ran across. He bellowed in pain, and out went his other wing, and Ainissesthai could only scream as he dug his claws into the stone and fell anyways. _

_ “Stay where you are!” he shouted. “Stay where you are!” _

_ “Harm - !” _

_ He went down too, dragging his claws over the stone. His efforts meant he halted his fall sooner than Sunrunner, who now lay limply at the bottom of the slope. Ainissesthai stared in terror at him - but no, there, his sides rose and fell. He moved. _

_ She wanted to scramble down towards him. But the crystals everywhere - she forced herself to creep down the sheer slope, clinging to every break and fragment of the rock, ducking under slivers of crystal and gently knocking them away with slow, deliberate movements. Harmonium was moving less and less as she got closer. Was that her imagination? Please let it be her imagination. _

_ It took agonizing minutes to climb down to his side. His scales were speared straight through with thin, almost invisible needles of crystal, and she could see blood trickling down the rocks. _

_ “Harm,” she gasped. “Harm, okay, let’s be slow, we can get out of here and get these taken care of - “ _

_ “No,” he said, not lifting his head. “Ainissesthai, can I ask -” _

_ “Harm, we gotta get you out of here.” _

_ He raised his head just a hand’s span off the ground, not turning towards her, trying to rasp in more air; she could see a larger spike somewhere in his chest, slipping further in with every breath he took. “Don’t let them forget me,” he said. “Don’t let anyone forget me. It’s okay if I’m gone, but not forgotten.” _

_ “Harm, no. Don’t be like that. We can -” _

_ He turned his head. Ainissesthai had to lock her entire body to prevent herself from scrambling backwards in horror - one of his eyes was pinned shut, the eyelid pierced by a spire of crystal that drove directly into the socket, destroying not only his vision on the left side but the entire left half of his face. “I’m not leaving,” he said softly, and gently laid his head back down. _

_ “...Harm…” _

_ “Sunrunner.” He coughed, and his entire body froze in pain. “Maybe he…” _

_ He trailed off. _

_ “I’ll be back for you,” Ainissesthai promised, pressing her head against Harmonium’s wing. “I’ll be back. Okay? And we’ll get you out of here. Okay?” _

_ He didn’t answer. _

_ “Harm?” She raised her head, then pulled herself over Harm’s wing, panicking. “Harm?! Answer me -” _

_ He was not going to answer her. _

_ “Oh, no, no no no,” she whispered, and dug her claws into Harmonium’s scales. “Wake up, you big, stupid, soft thing!” _

_ Of course he wasn’t going to. She knew that. But she didn’t want it to be true. _

_ Sunrunner. She swung her head around, staring down the slope. Sunrunner. He wasn’t moving, but from this distance, he was just a bundle of black scales. Maybe - maybe - _

_ She began the climb down to him. But she knew the answer long before she reached him. By the time she laid a claw on his corpse, it was already cooled, the glossy carapace stiffening from its normal supple state. _

_ It was only after Ainissesthai had curled up next to him, hoping to feel any last dregs of warmth from his previously glowing form, that she realized how bad the pain in her own body was. _

_ Uncoiling was agonizing. She couldn’t figure out why, until she brushed a claw across her chest and felt it twist the end of a crystal spire, and spike in pain like the sting of a fire-nettle. At the same time she felt it crack and snap and wanted nothing more than to curl up again and fall asleep, possibly forever. _

_ But the portals - _

_ No. She couldn’t - Sunrunner and Harmonium were not… they were gone. She couldn’t even drag their bodies out of this hell - she wouldn’t be able to pull them through the crystals. The fucking crystals. She wanted to grab the one in her chest and wrench it out, but she knew it would just break even further. _

_ What the hell could she possibly do? _

_ She laid her head down again, next to her dead brother, and closed her eyes. _

Ainissesthai paused for a moment in her retelling, out of breath. Her chest hurt - possibly from the shards, possibly just from all… this. “I don’t know why I’m alive,” she said. “I don’t know why the hell I’m here.”

She looked up, furious, wishing there were winds she could blame her tears on. “I didn’t even tell the Oculus about the stupid portal! I just told Ambrose. I don’t know if she told anyone about it. I don’t care.”

For a moment, there was only silence. Finally Atropos let out a long breath. "Sunrunner... Harmonium... and Ainissesthai. Names of youths who gave up everything to try to report an unknown mystery to those who might have been able to help.” She stood, moving around Ainissesthai in a slow circle. Her tail dragged along the ground, feathers tracing over the stone. Her footprints glowed for a few seconds after she left them. 

_ Everything. We did. No - they did. I almost did. Or - did I? I can’t even tell. _

"Immortalized will the names Sunrunner and Harmonium be, and should the day ever come that you join them across that pale, your name shall join theirs, side by side as you once were. My clan will remember them, for as long as it survives. And as they remember them, they will spread their tale, and deeper into the hearts of the living will their memory be engraved. As will your own."

Pale. There was that word again, that concept. She’d bleached everything she’d worn after she’d escaped the Vale - a vigil, forever, for her twin, and for her friend. She’d used what little magic she had to burn the color out of everything she wore, even the metal of her claws. Ambrose had offered to help her, but she’d refused, pouring as much power as she had out into the task. Perhaps it was a penance for her wrongdoing. Perhaps it was guilt that made her force herself to exhaustion, hoping that somewhere, her twin would forgive her. She’d cloaked herself after that, hidden her eyes and her body behind drapes of white fabric. She was a light dragon - she could turn light away from herself if she tried hard enough, and walk in shadows.

“Remember them,” she said, “but not me. I don’t deserve that. They do.”

Atropos glanced down, stopping halfway through a step. "It is from you that I learn their stories, and you who has survived to honor them,” she said, almost sounding taken aback. “I will honor you the same way I will honor them, and should you one day join them I will tend to that memorial myself, and give you the same ritual and rights I shall give them upon my returning to my clan. They placed the trust of their memory unto you, and you have delivered it now to me.”

Ainissesthai tried to stand, to protest. “But I’m -”

“I honor them for their sacrifice, their willingness to do whatever it took,” Atropos continued, cutting her off; Ainissesthai ducked under a sweep of her feathered tail. “To you, I honor moving forward despite what you have lost. I will remember you all, even should they and you fall out of the memory of others. I can give you little else at the moment but that sacred promise -- on the length of the life I have before me, I will remember all three of you. What you did, what you wished, and what you gave up for such a wish."

_ Don’t be a ruinous mess and throw this back at her, _ she scolded herself, and flicked her fins down along her neck, backing off. She huddled back down.  _ There’s no reason for her to do this. I killed them. I killed them. Why would she place me on the same tier as them? I killed them and failed them and failed our mission even though it was stupid to begin with and - _

A movement behind her; she felt the air shift and froze when Atropos bent her head and gently brushed the side of her face over the top of Ainissesthai’s frills. "Gently now, dear one, gently,” she said, soft and soothing, and Ainissesthai took a breath, and then another. Atropos hummed. “To see you hate yourself so unjustly would break their hearts, and they would say as much were they able to speak with you.”

“How do  _ you _ know?”

“I know what you have told me of them; it is enough to know they cared for you.” The dragon laughed, quietly. “And I am of Death. Do you think I do not see their imprints? Their physical forms may have passed, but do you think their souls have left you? Forsaken you? No, dear one, they are with you forever. Love yourself as they love you still. Go gently, dear one. Go gently upon yourself.”

_ How the hell am I supposed to do that? _

“It is not easy to be as kind to yourself as others will be to you,” Atropos murmured, “but I will help you, if you would allow it.”

Ainissesthai sat there for a moment, then stood. She crept to the edge of the rock and looked out.

They were about halfway down the Vale, probably, maybe a little further. She knew the area - she knew where to look. Off to the left, in the tumbles of rock that looked more stable and easier to move through but were in fact less viable of a route than the center, she spotted them. Two pinpricks of color - one tiny, black, and one larger, pale lavender and pink, nearly blending in with the Vale.

Organic matter did not decay properly in the Vale. The air and magic here preserved it, eventually turning it to crystal just like it had with the stone of the earth. Some thought that it crystallized the air, giving rise to the shards. Either way, things left here became part of the landscape, forever.

“I am sorry,” she said, to them. She could barely see them, but they were there. “I am.”

“They know,” Atropos said. “And if anyone could be forgiven, beloved one, it is you. You inspire such pride, such love, moving forward even with such pain haunting you.”

“Atropos,” Ainissesthai said, “I - have you ever been to the Oculus?”

“I have not.”

“Would you like to go? I never told them about the portal. I should.” Ainissesthai’s eyes were fixed on the distant forms. “I can’t move them now, but at least I can finish that stupid mission we had, that we gave ourselves.”

“Certainly, little one,” Atropos answered. “I will accompany you wherever you need me to go.”

“And can I -” Ainissesthai paused. “If you’re going to, uh, make a memorial or whatever, I’d like to… see it.”

“A right you earned more than any other.”

“Good. Cool. Great.” Ainissesthai sank to the ground again, still watching. “I’ll finish it, guys. I promise. I’m sorry.”

She felt Atropos sit down beside her, carefully putting one front paw on either side of her body. Ainissesthai didn’t move; she didn’t mind. It was comforting.

“I’ll try harder,” she said. No, that wasn’t right. She shook her head. “No. Um. I’ll…”  _ I’ll what? Do better? Not fuck up this time? Try not to kill anyone else? No. No, none of that is right. _

She looked out at the specks, thinking.  _ They don’t hate you. They never did, not even after everything. They still love you, from wherever the Deities take them when they depart. They want the best for you. _ She paused.  _ For me. I mean. _

The stone slid past the peaks; the little gulley slipped out of view. Ainissesthai still stared after it, even when she couldn’t see them anymore. “For you, and I guess for me,” she said, “I’ll keep going.”


End file.
